I actually have a list of drafts I want to write but today I thought I would share with everyone how I really feeling. Those who know me know that I am due with baby number two annnny minute now.
So if my posts go hiatus over the next few weeks you know why, then again, when you are stuck on the couch for hours feeding a seemingly bottomless mini-person sometimes you have all the time in the world… as long as you don’t have to move anywhere.
Anyway here is a list of ten things driving me up the wall this morning (especially given I honestly thought bub was coming yesterday).
10 Things We Forget About Pre-Labor
- There is something about asking your two year old to put your shoes on that just doesn’t feel right. You cant reach your feet, putting pants on is a twenty minute effort and once you are dressed, you hate what you are wearing and want to get changed again anyway. Everyone tells you that you look fantastic and are glowing, you feel like a hairy walrus who gets puffed out walking to the bathroom.
- Every niggling pain you think is labour starting… even if its just an itchy neck or your leaning on something your toddler hid in the couch. Sometimes I think you even manage to manifest pain just with wishful thinking.
- You lay awake at night wondering if this is it (like you will sleep through and miss it). You have not slept for a week, just in case. At least you have used this time wisely. You have written mental lists of all the things you want to get done while on maternity leave (HA! HA!). Spent hours on Ebay carting baby gadgets to buy that you probably will never use. Googled the shit out of every possible newborn and birth scenario your overtired and wired brain can conjour up. Each morning, you promptly forget all of them which frees you up to start all over again tomorrow night.
- You want to punch everyone who talks to you in the face. The next person who asks how I am feeling is probably going to cop a Roberta Williams style venomous rant. You feel like a wombat is trying to scratch its way out of a mouse hole and is now stuck. I can’t sit down, you cant lay comfortably and so you pace around the house hoping it will make a decision and move up or down because this half-way crap is not fun!
- Everything annoys you. Why are cars on the highway so noisy? Those bird tweeting happily outside will get hosed if they don’t clam it. Things that normally you probably would not even notice or care about are suddenly the most irritating thing you have ever come across.
- Are you comfortable? WTF is comfortable? Seriously. I can’t even remember what comfortable feels like. This question is right up there with “Oh you are still here?” and “Haven’t you had that baby yet?”. Honestly, your best bet is not to ask stupid questions… in fact stop talking at all. Don’t even look at me! Oh okay so now you’re ignoring me, I see how it is… yep. The pre-labour brain knows no logic, in fact it’s just a nasty bitch, don’t even try and understand (even if you have had twenty children yourself, you still wont understand because clearly I am feeling much much worse than you did when you were about to give birth to your triplets).
- Discharges. I’m not going to TMI everyone. You know what I mean. Yuck. If you don’t know, add it to your midnight to-Google list.
- Constantly worrying about waters breaking in public… or worrying that they break and you not knowing they broke… or that you will ruin the mattress, couch, car… every blockbuster where the woman goes into labour becomes your worst nightmare. So you Google every detail just so you can be prepared for anything (and because you honestly can’t be bothered actually doing something useful).
- Suddenly realising you have limited time. Time to clean the house, wash the car, repair broken fans, solve world hunger, become a politician, read 6 books, shop for stuff you didn’t know you needed… most likely this will happen at 2am when the rest of the house is asleep… or at least was asleep before you started the lawnmower…
- Wondering IF THIS BABY IS EVER COMING OUT!!!
But seriously, lets pay <a href=”homage to all the Mums out there that put themselves through all of this. It’s so worth it though!
Comment below and share your pre-labor crazies!!! Would love to hear what drove other ladies insane!!!